Afrigather Editor’s Word: There’s virtually nothing as stunning because the love that has stood the take a look at of time. That’s the reason this month, BellaNaija Options and BellaNaija Weddings are bringing you stunning tales of {couples} whose love has not waned by way of the years with The Ever After Collection Particular Valentine Version.
At this time, Funmilayo and Demola Awonuga, who’ve been married since 1987, are sharing their insights on love, marriage, and the eternally journey. Let’s take you on a dive into their Ever After story. Trip with us!
Friendship is among the most stunning issues on the planet. A buddy stands for you as a defend when life pummels you emotionally, psychologically and each other-ly on the planet. Associates share in your pleasure, sorrows, and ache, allow you to remedy life issues – like being booless on Valentine’s Day, and join you to your life accomplice, simply as Funmilayo Awonuga’s buddy related her to her ever-after through telephone calls – a person she didn’t like.
Funmilayo Awonuga: He advised me he was from Ijebu and I went – ‘what? Ijebu? I don’t need anybody from Ijebu.’ I’m from Ekiti state, so I actually didn’t need anybody from Ijebu.
After she rejected him, they parted methods however, keep in mind Funmilayo Awonuga’s buddy? She wasn’t having it. 3 years later…
Funmilayo Awonuga: I used to be rounding up my trainer’s coaching in Ikorodu after I met my buddy at Bariga. She requested: how is brother Demola? I went, ‘I don’t discuss to him anymore; I don’t need to marry an Ijebu man.’ Then my buddy discovered a option to convey us collectively however I used to be nonetheless adamant: I didn’t need to marry somebody from Ijebu.
Flip Mr and Mrs Awonuga into fictional characters and also you’d have Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy. Delight and prejudice stood in the way in which of their love, however Mr Darcy, albeit shy, liked Elizabeth Bennet.
Demola Awonuga: Everytime I heard her voice on the telephone, it simply made me really feel some sort of approach and I’ll simply say in my coronary heart, ‘I really like this woman.’ That was what made me fall in love along with her. I advised my buddy that I wished to marry her.
However like Elizabeth Bennet who as soon as swore by no means to like Mr Darcy, Funmilayo Awonuga had sworn to not marry an Ijebu man. But, like Elizabeth, she finally fell yakata for Mr Awonuga.
In September 1987, they bought wedded on the Celestial Church of Christ, Akoka. 2 months later, they’d their first baby.
_
They are saying the few years of marriage are a mixture of the great and the acetous, the glad and the bitter. Typically, you look into one another’s eyes and fall in love over once more. Different occasions, you surprise what the heck you have been considering whenever you walked down the aisle. Wahala, love, pleasure, anger, frustrations, and virtually… resignation.
Demola Awonuga: Precisely throughout our one yr anniversary, one thing occurred that will have damaged this marriage however we thank God.
Demola Awonuga: We had completely different characters and for me, as a person, I thank God for my dad who would all the time inform me, ‘you at the moment are married, it’s important to dispose of some habits.’
I bought married on the age of 30 and for these first few years, there have been some challenges we confronted and I simply thank God or my dad’s recommendation and for giving me the spirit to have the ability to endure.
Certainly, they endured and Come September, they’ll have fun 36 years of marriage. What’s the key?
Funmilayo Awonuga: As a result of we didn’t court docket for thus lengthy earlier than marriage, the primary few years weren’t really easy. However after I was a single lady, I made up my thoughts that whoever I used to be going to marry, I’d marry for all times – no divorce. I used to be 25 years outdated after I bought married and I had already made up my thoughts that there was no going again.
I had a approach of dousing stress; I simply maintain dancing. I all the time make myself glad. Even when the opposite one is offended, I’ll snicker and dance. If you end up offended and the individual you’re offended with is laughing and dancing, the strain will come down. However when each of you’re nagging, it’s not good.
It takes two to tango in marriage, after which three to dismantle. Funmilayo Awonuga might by no means nag, however she has one thing that makes her pores and skin crawl.
Demola Awonuga: My spouse doesn’t like seeing me with different women. Even up until now, she can not endure it. So, wherever I’m, I attempt to all the time watch out so I cannot harm her.
Mrs Awonuga’s ick could also be different ladies hovering round, however Mr Awonuga’s ick is having individuals intervene in his marriage. One factor each of them have one thing in frequent? Not welcoming third events.
Funmilayo Awonuga: After we newly bought married, my husband mentioned to me, ‘I don’t need any type of interference in our marriage.’ So we don’t accommodate guests, relations or any type. Until now, we don’t go to relations’ homes or individuals’s homes, we simply thoughts our enterprise. I’ve by no means had any type of bitterness in my household, no in-laws coming in to settle any of our points. We all the time settle issues by ourselves with no interference.
After I had my first baby, I virtually bought drained as a result of I used to be doing every part myself. I used to be in a position to handle this very nicely as a result of my husband was very supportive. He’s an excellent prepare dinner and he was the one taking good care of the kids. My youthful sister additionally got here to help alongside the road.
Folks say what doesn’t break us makes us stronger. And that is true, particularly in marriages. Variations shouldn’t be catalysts for destruction, particularly if the muse is stable.
Funmilayo Awonuga: What we’ll advise {couples} to do is to relax within the early phases. It is perhaps tough for individuals, particularly those that are but to be comfy as a pair. Nevertheless, it’s vital to check each other and know your dos and don’ts.
Demola Awonuga: You must have a spirit of tolerating one another. Get used to absorbing issues. Know that you’re from completely different households and permit the spirit of God to guide you. All the time pray earlier than going to mattress, whenever you get up, and when going out.
This endurance extends to funds. Folks say cash issues are severe issues, and they’re proper. Is your cash our cash? Is my cash solely mine? Just a few disagreements over naira notes and marriage can discover itself bending the knee, toppling ahead or crumbling.
Funmilayo Awonuga: No matter is mine is his no matter he has is mine.
Demola Awonuga: I all the time believed I needed to maintain our youngsters. So, I’ll go and purchase all of the meals and issues that my youngsters want. On the finish of each month, after I get my wage, I’ll first settle my youngsters and pull all they want so as. My spouse has all the time been the sort of one who doesn’t like her husband doing every part alone with out her assist. She’s going to all the time add her personal cash with out my data in order that every part could be sufficient and be greater than what I anticipated.
Funmilayo Awonuga: After I bought married, I wasn’t working. After I finally bought a job in Lagos State, I wasn’t paid till months later. However we supported one another all by way of.
The assist has paid off. Over 35 years and the fireplace continues to be burning. They maintain discovering methods to make sure their love doesn’t wane. The truth is, Mr Awonuga has an unconventional approach of being romantic.
Demola Awonuga: Regardless of the spirit of God leads me, I do it. It’s God that offers me inspiration and concepts.
Fascinating.
Demola Awonuga: I heard a narrative of this pastor who wanted to go to church and his spouse wanted his consideration. He ignored it at first and went to church. Simply earlier than he was about to mount the altar, a voice advised him to return and settle his house. You can’t be a pastor and your home is on hearth. Pastor ministry begins at house. I give God the glory that with regards to romance, I don’t joke with my spouse. I do the fitting factor on the proper time.
Funmilayo Awonuga: The romance is all the time there. Sexually, we’re alright; we research one another to maintain this fireplace burning. Every part might dry up at menopause, however we’ll carry on making an attempt.
Trip on, Mr and Mrs Awonuga. And should this oil by no means dry.
****
Did you miss the primary version of The Ever After Collection? Learn all of the episodes here.
