Rudolf Okonkwo: What is going to occur once I die 

You could have solely learn the caption. And you’ve got already mentioned tufiakwa thrice. Na wah for you.

Abeg, wipe away that frown off your face. It isn’t your life, my buddy. That is mine. So, indulge me. 

Don’t inform me to not be damaging. Don’t preach to me in regards to the energy of the tongue – if I say it, it would occur. Yeah, if I don’t say it, it would nonetheless occur. All my family and friends which have lengthy gone didn’t say it, however it occurred to them. 

If it might occur to them, it might occur to me. And if it might occur to me, it might occur to you.

Oops! You probably did that once more. You frowned your face and whispered, tufiakwa.

You can’t idiot me that I’ve a very long time to reside. You don’t know. I do know that you just don’t know. And you understand that you just don’t know when it shall be. So, shove it. 

To be very clear, this isn’t what I wish to occur once I die. That is what I do know will occur. It is going to frighten you if I’m going into what I wish to occur. Sure, if this have been about what I wish to occur once I die, something I say now will change into a matter of great consideration when it occurs.

Whereas expressing shock at my dying, you’ll bear in mind what I mentioned right here. A few of you’ll recall them with concern. “These have been the ultimate needs of the lifeless. We have to do every part to fulfil them,” a few of you’ll insist. I don’t wish to switch that sort of headache to you.

For instance, suppose I say that I need my physique taken again to Nigeria and buried within the land the place my folks buried my father, grandfather, and great-grandfather; even when I left no cash for such an costly enterprise, you’ll really feel mandated to make it occur. In that case, you’ll tax yourselves to lift cash to take my physique residence. A few of it’s possible you’ll grumble, however you’ll nonetheless contribute since you don’t wish to appear like a miser within the eyes of our neighborhood. A few of you’ll find a sneaky approach to not contribute. Sure, even associates I might have thought could be on the forefront of seeing that individuals go all the way in which to present me a befitting farewell, no matter meaning. A few of you’ll hope and consider that the lifeless don’t see. 

Information flash. The lifeless see every part. The lifeless are the viewers of their theatre known as the universe, whereas these residing are actors on the stage known as earth.

A few of you’ll solely contribute after my funeral coordinator has shamed you into contributing. Don’t assume I have no idea what he did. He added you to a WhatsApp group known as the Committee of Associates with out your permission. Whenever you ignored the messages out of your friends donating, he known as you and listened to you mumble and grumble about how extreme this enchantment for funds had change into. He allow you to end complaining. Then, he requested you what you’ll fairly be – the particular person contributing $100 in direction of the transportation of my physique residence or the one that is lifeless and others are donating cash for you? That was if you used your tongue to depend your enamel. That was if you reluctantly gave $100.

I do know you. You concern dying, and a mere reminder that it might be you’ll make you do it. 

Don’t fear; I gained’t burden you with all that. As I mentioned, this isn’t about what I wish to occur once I die. That is about what I do know will occur. 

If it have been what I wish to occur once I die, I might be speaking about my books, papers, and unpublished manuscripts. I might focus on how one can protect them and who ought to take cost of them. But when I point out names now, it is going to be an everlasting covenant. I don’t wish to try this. It gained’t be honest to cross duty to others with out offering them with the assets to hold them out. 

 So, I wish to think about what is going to occur once I die. 

 You may be shocked if you hear the information. Sure, you. 

You’ll scream, “such a younger man. He didn’t look sick once I final noticed him.” 

Nearly all of it would be best to know what killed me. 

Why? Is it not dangerous sufficient that I died? 

However I do know why you wish to know. It’s only to your personal egocentric objectives. You wish to keep away from being killed by the identical factor. When you hear that I died of diabetes, you instantly Google what causes diabetes. If I died of an ulcer, you inform your self that you’ll keep away from all that WebMD.com says causes ulcers. 

Should you wait to listen to that ulcer killed me earlier than you understand the causes of the ulcer and keep away from them? Anyway, there are various methods to die and plenty of issues to kill anybody, so I don’t see you foolproof your self in opposition to them. 

After you will have checked out what killed me, puzzled and contemplated if my life-style made me liable to that, and by extension, if I deserved the dying I received, you’ll then say, “Na wah o!” 

That’s the extent of the compassion you’ll present. You shake your head and transfer on. 

A few of you who care a little bit extra will marvel how previous I used to be. As if age had something to do with dying. Although I do know secretly, you simply needed to see in case you are distant from my age. As a result of all of the whereas, you’re questioning if it occurred to me, might it occur to you? 

You’ll ask if I had a household. For many who care a little bit extra, it would be best to understand how previous my youngsters are. You wish to see if they’re sufficiently old to hold on with out me. You wish to know. If they’re, you’ll really feel much less nervous about any sense of obligation to them since you are my buddy.

You’ll rush to your social media and publish a black candle burning at night time. You’ll write, “Devastating!!!” You’ll depart it at that. Your folks will congregate and ask you what occurred. You’ll take your time. Whenever you assume the inquiry is lengthy sufficient, you’ll come and inform them that I died.

You’ll publish an previous image we took if you met me someplace to point out that you understand me effectively. You’ll write a line or two about how fantastic I used to be. A few of you’ll nonetheless write within the current tense as a result of you haven’t internalized my dying. I perceive. Then, you’ll migrate to my social media web page. You’ll write RIP. I do know. I don’t even deserve the minute it would take you to write down ‘Relaxation In Peace’ in full.

That’s it. Your job is finished. It isn’t like you understand me like that.

As for you, you used to have my quantity. However you don’t have it anymore. The great factor is that you understand who to ask to get it. Then, you keep in mind that you shouldn’t name the lifeless. What in the event you name and I reply? You’ll as a substitute name my spouse.

You name to sympathise and ensure what killed me. It surprises you that half of what you heard about when and the way it began is unsuitable. You ask if there are plans for my funeral. Then, you keep in mind that it simply occurred, so there couldn’t have been a plan. You promise to name again. Within the meantime, you’ll maintain my household in your ideas and prayers. When you grasp up, you neglect about it. You progress on along with your life.

And then you definately hear about my funeral plans. Somebody arrange a WhatsApp-based committee of associates, though I hated that once I was alive. They added your identify to it. You hate it too. However you can not protest since you wish to arrange one if you lose somebody and need another person to do it for you if you die.

You give the compulsory $100 minimal. You say to your self; it is a tax we pay for our neighborhood members who refused to purchase life insurance coverage. However you understand that even these with life insurance coverage nonetheless partake in it. You could have by no means heard anybody say, as a substitute of a donation, to present cash to a charity. That’s what white individuals who deliberate for his or her eventual dying say.

So, you see the flyer about my wake. Eayeah! Gone so quickly! One of many flyers made by one other group says, “Exit of an icon.” You marvel what number of icons die day by day in your neighborhood and the way a neighborhood that loses this variety of icons every month survives.

You ask your self the purpose of coming to my funeral when I’m not there. Your folks inform you it is going to be a possibility to see my household. To what finish, you ask? You have no idea them like that, you say. Honest level. One other group of associates says coming to my funeral will provide you with closure. You inform them ‘thanks’ that you just sleep effectively at night time. Then one other group of associates tells you that the day you pay your final respect to the lifeless is synonymous with the day you pay your final respect to your self. It doesn’t make sense to you. So that you sit at residence that day. From time to time, you marvel if I’m seeing the individuals who got here to my funeral.

Oh, you made it. You might be on the wake. You might be in church. You hear the sermons, the tributes, and the poems. You be taught a variety of belongings you don’t learn about me. For example, you didn’t know that I dabbled in portray. You didn’t know in regards to the lady who refused to marry me regardless of all my efforts. And also you didn’t know that I used to be my grandfather – which raises the query, who am I now that I’m lifeless? You didn’t know many issues about me that I didn’t share in my revealed work. Some belongings you heard made you assume laborious about your life.

In the course of the service, you marvel how your funeral can be. What is going to individuals who collect say? Considering of our associates who didn’t come to my funeral, you marvel what number of of your mates will come to yours. Not that it issues to you. However you continue to marvel. You are feeling possibly they’re simply afraid of confronting dying. You shake your head. You shed little tears alongside the way in which. It has a therapeutic impact.

You be part of the convoy of vehicles with blinking lights from the church to the cemetery. You watch because the automobiles cross rows and rows of graves with different-sized headstones. Some have fallen off, and a few don’t have any marks left to determine who was interned there or what yr. Some have recent flowers, indicating that associates and households have most likely visited just lately. Some look deserted years in the past.

You watch as my casket is introduced out of the hearse and positioned beside the grave. You have a look at the folks round you. You see some masking their eyes with darkish glasses to cover their tears. You discover that some are busy taking photos and movies to share on social media. One in all our associates is streaming it reside on Fb for many who didn’t come. The pastor says his ultimate prayers. Individuals begin to disperse because the undertakers gently decrease my physique.

Reluctantly, you, too, disperse. You flip round yet another time as you stroll towards your automobile. You are feeling a deep sense of abandonment. When you have been I, you say to your self, you’ll really feel deserted too.

You be part of others and drive to the venue of the repast. Everyone is a little bit bit livelier after being bodily separated from my physique. The DJ is enjoying a mixture of secular music and spiritual music. As soon as once more, the pastor prays for my soul. After which, he prays for the meals. As associates and acquaintances come out to say increasingly about me, folks eat and drink. There are aspect conversations in regards to the premier league, the most recent Afrobeat music, Nollywood gossip, and gossip in regards to the newest couple we all know to divorce and different marriages on the brink. As time goes on, folks begin to depart. Those that should catch their flights depart first. Those that should drive lengthy distances to return to their houses and their hustles comply with.

Because the final particular person leaves the repast corridor, he peels off my poster on the discover board exterior the doorway door. For you, peeling off my reminiscence will take days, months, or years. However off it would go, identical to the recollections of those that died earlier than me.

Don’t even attempt to deny it. You already know that I do know that you understand. That’s the reason I’ve all the time informed you that the one educated people are the lifeless ones.

Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo teaches Publish-Colonial African Historical past on the College of Visible Arts in New York Metropolis. He’s additionally the host of Dr. Damages Present. His books embody “This American Life Sef” and “Kids of a Retired God,” amongst others.